Today marks 2 months of my kalu’s death. (uncle, khala’s husband) Time really flies by. It feels like it was just yesterday when I heard the news. It was such a gut wrenching moment. I couldnt belive it for a few mintues. It felt unreal. But they say the truth always hurts, so it did. I just thought about your two little boys and their future, and my kala. As of you, i prayed that God give you the highest pace in Jannat. I got a relaxed feeling knowing you were in a better place. And no longer did you have to battle with stomach cancer anymore…
Today I talked to kala. Its always hard actually having a convo with her. I cant imagen what shes probably going through. To loose her soul mate, her husband, and partner in crime. Its even sadder to know your kids are only 2yr old and 5 yr old and they’ve forgot you. Khala was telling me how she asked the kids if they remeber you. ” apko papa yaad atein hain?” They didn’t answer, after a few mintues they said ” nahi mama je”. It made my eyes water. Its gut wrenching… They think their baba will come back when there older. Yet they dont know when there older they will learn what has happened with them. Khala was also saying how they dont even ask when baba will be home or when hes coming or where he is. The phone was silent and i heard kala break down. Your 5yr old says you deid, your younger one says to his brother ” dont say that. baba will be back when we grow up”. I can’t imagen what your wifes going through khalu. Knowing her partner is gone forever. I know everyone shell taste death but I wonder why you? I mean at such a young age? Life works in such odd ways. Khalu, your dad was saying how Ahmad ( your younger son) looks just like you when you were little. And when he looks at your son he cant help but cry his eyes out. Khalu I miss you dearly. I’ll never forget the first time we met. I’ll never forget the 3 months i spent in Pakistan with you. You were a father figure at that time, you called me your own daughter since you didnt have one. I wont forget the moments i had with you. They will always have a special place in my heart. You were such an amazing person. Never came home empty handed. Always had somthing for me weather it be fruit, ice cream, or street food. You were such a healthy, joyful man. When khala says you lost weight and all that was left was your bones, i cant picture that nor will I ever be able to. I just cant. She was telling me how she cared for you like a baby. Showered you, fed you, and fulfilled your every need. After all that I ask Allah tala why is my khala in such a asmaish?….
This is such a tough time for everyone.. Ya Allah give sabar to all. Ameem
R.I.P March 30, 2012
( will continue this post when I have enough courage )
Siting on the swings with my grandmother was such a beautiful moment. We talked about how great the weather was and prayed that Allah tala make my grandmothers parashaniyas (worries) go away as soon as possible. InshAllah. These are the moments that I’ll never forget and will always have a place in my heart.
wow the weather is amazing. wow! I cant stop saying wow, lol but seriously i feel like im standing next to the water at the ocean and the breeze is really strong. Yet, im at home on the swings. I can also hear the thunder which makes everything perfect.
Wish you were here =\
The sound of thunder and rain is quite fascinating to me.
Over time I’ve learned to live in the present but that hasn’t stopped me from planing my future or thinking about it. But I learned to enjoy and make my present worth it and memorable. I feel alive. I love it. I look back and ask myself ” why was I always trying to live in the future?” mistake after mistake. Life’s great I’m happy what else could I ask for? Well, sometimes I do wish there was a forward button on life and I could see what my future consist of so maybe I could make less mistakes now and choose the right path, but I guess that’s what life is about, right? I think so :)
